Reality Check

What does it take to look fab from 5:30 PM to 1:ish AM? What does it take to dazzle the Nob Hill Gazette? [Tag line: "NOB HILL... AN ATTITUDE NOT AN ADDRESS." I am not joking. Sic punctuation. —Ed.]

The fall gowns don’t arrive in SF until September. So serious first-nighters begin gown-sleuthing at the spring trunk shows. One salesperson expressed her frustration, “Paris doesn’t understand that San Francisco needs gowns in summer.”

In July, YSL’s Look Book featured a (black ’n short) Lesage silk charmeuse dress with signature, hand-embroidered bustier and matching embroidered hood (worn with opera-length black suede gloves) for “a bit over $20,000,” for which a sample could be shipped in August. Yes, opera-length gloves (how appropriate) with diamond bracelets cuffed over them and hats/helmets [Uh.... helmets? —Ed.] are the trend for fall’s gala evenings.

Hair will be a major focus on opening night. Alex Chases of Alex Chases Salon aka Salon to the Socials, says, “For a new hairstyle, I suggest at least two appointments. And I insist that clients have a professional makeup artist for special events. A few weeks to a month before, some clients do a bit of Botox ($400 and up) and maybe some lip Restylane ($350 and up).”

The heights of chic sophistication reside in sky-high heels. Manolo’s collection of gold, strappy evening sandals, perfect for BRAVO!’s Golden Hollywood party, start at around $500. Matching bag? That’s a no-no. For the Guild’s glittering evening, Judith Leiber’s rhinestone minaudière ($3000) is appropriate. Roger Vivier’s lacquered and sequined satin minaudière, for around $11,000, will bring down the house.

Put it all together, and what does an opening night cost?

Designer gown: $15,000
Pumps: $500
Leiber minaudière: $3,000
Facial: $175
Botox: $400
Hair: $250
Makeup: $230
Manicure: $45
Pedicure: $70
Two Opera Tickets: $10,000
Limo: $500
Evening total: $30,000 more or less
Jewelry not included

—Sandra J. Swanson, "Worth Reading," Nob Hill Gazette (9/07)

[Here's an alternative scenario. Tuxedo hanging in closet: $0. Shower: $0. Standing room ticket: $10. MUNI: $0 (with monthly pass). Evening total: $10 more or less. Multiple G&Ts to keep the bile down not included. —Ed.]

Comments

[kathryn]

how's this?
-ticket to opening night won in Conservatory ticket lottery: $0
-black gown made by me for previous year's recital: $0
-evening bag borrowed from grandma: $0
-manicure: why the hell would I do that??
-Bart: $5 (back before the rate hikes)

-photographer asking "who are you wearing?" --priceless.

[DJA]

For men, it’s the World Series, the All-Star Games and the Super Bowl. For women, it’s a Night at the Openings.

It's actually kind of hard to think of ways in which an article could go downhill from there, but Sandra J. Swanson Sandra J. Swanson.

[DJA]

(I actually meant to end with "found all of them" but it actually works either way.)

[patrick]

Uh, so why don't they all look better then? Hardly seems like money well spent.

[sfmike]

I was wondering if you were responsible for that wonderfully vulgar collage, but thanks to your link I now know it was created by:

"Valentin Popov, a Ukrainian-born artist with the skill of an academic master and the satirical eye of a post-modern comedian." So are we dealing with academic master or satirical post-modern comedian here? I'm confused and scared.

[patrick]

I just realized how funny "Hair will be a major focus on opening night" is, since the opera was Samson. I'm guessing the humor is unintentional.

[Grove/Albert]

My evening cost $0.00, but there was a bit of heavy labor involved: helping carry the dead Philistine leader Abimelech offstage.

No Botox was needed.