Vingt Regards:XIV. TSR's Guide to SF Elections

San Francisco's sample ballot (I guess I'd prolly vote for Xiao Ma Ding)

Among the great joys of living in San Francisco are the Voter Information Pamphlets, which arrive in the mail seemingly six or seven times a year. Though I often say that the $10 standing room tix at the Opera are the best entertainment deal in town, they may in fact be trumped by the Municipal Election voter booklets, which are always chock full of laughs. To celebrate yet another Election Day, here are a selection of actual quotes from this election's 152-page installment.

From Candidates for Mayor:

"This is a One Issue campaign which is to Make Golden Gate Park Clothing Optional.... For other policy issues, a well known City Manager will be appointed."

"My occupation is: Vegan Taxicab Driver."

"For the past 6 years, I have raised funds to distribute over 8,000 turkeys to low income residents."

"My promise is to fire your boss."

"Hi, my name is Chicken John."

"My creation of the Power Exchange [caution, probably NSFW] adult sexual liberation experience..."

And, in so many ways the most absurd of them all:

"My occupation is Mayor of San Francisco."

From Local Ballot Measures:

"San Francisco does not need to be in the horse business. Horses are large animals."

"If anyone thinks this measure will enrich our democracy and improve the public discourse in the city, the person should be forced to watch a continuous video loop of the behavior of some of our supervisors."

"Because this measure will take cars off the street. Proposition H will, likely reduce congestion." [sic through, out]

"Don't allow the proponents' anti-business bias deprive San Franciscans of more ... esthetically pleasing newspaper racks."

And, as you might guess, my favorite:

"Let [the Municipal Transportation Agency, a.k.a. the unmitigated disaster that oversees both MUNI and the DPT] exclusively set rates for parking fines, fees, and penalties that would go into their own coffers." [LOLZ!! Wait, never mind; I'm crying, not laughing. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.]

Disclaimer: The funniest part may be that just because it's quoted here, doesn't mean I voted against it... 

HAPPY ELECTION DAY

~~~~~~

Vingt Regards / I. Strange Bedfellows / II. A New Era, Indeed / III. Hommage à Paolo Conte / IV. Hommage à S. Bar. / V. They Speak According to the Book / VI. Overheard in New York / VII. In Rotation: August 2007 / VIII. LA Phil's New Housemate / IX. Apples and Amoebas / X. Sunday in the Park with Bert / XI. Epilogue / XII. Taking Stock / XIII. De Quadratis Magicis

Comments

[sfmike]

Loved the anthology of best-loved classics from the Voter Info Guide.

And in response to one of your Twitter alerts, if my only entertainment choices were "La Rondine" and "The Bridge," I'd be thinking about jumping off you-know-what myself.